This past week I visited my daughter in Chicago as she began her new career as a recent college graduate. We have never lived so far apart, and one of my motivations for going up there was to check up on my baby. Is she living in a safe neighborhood? How does she get to work? Is she eating right? What are her new friends like? She's in her early twenties, but I think to myself she wasn't quite yet a teenager ten years ago.
I'm entering another phase where I'm no longer a mother of a college student. I liked having a daughter who was a college student because I felt that I could identify with the students' parents in my classes. There now seems to be a loss in identification within the workplace and now a loss of a child who is now independently making her own way with her new found career. However, I am ecstatic of her accomplishments and her new job security. What more could a mother ask for?
With each phase of motherhood, new questions emerge as to my role as a mother. Now, I'm a mother of an independent daughter who doesn't need to call home for money. She has a boyfriend, so her love life is going well. I suppose that we need to figure out what my role will be together--what phases lie ahead for this different mother. She is fiercely independent by nature (not too different from her mother), so there needs to emerge an appreciation of her independence at many levels. It's an exciting time for both of us, but one that comes with a few unanswered questions.
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3 comments:
I can completely relate to what you're saying as my baby is now living in California. I refer to myself as a 'retired' mom, but my older two don't let me get away with it. They say even though they're all grown up and don't need me like they used to, they always want their mom around. This is reinforced when the baby calls home at 2 in the morning wondering how to care for a sick cat. It makes me feel good to know I'm still wanted, but it does take some getting used to no longer being needed.
As an independent young woman living far from home I can say that I still talk to my mom on the phone everyday, even if it is just for a minute to say "I love you." I also love it when I get unexpected packages of craziness or letters from my mom. She sends me cards for every holiday ever created :)
I am also an independent young woman living away from my mother (even if it's only across the state), and I never stop needing her in my life. I think, as daughters, we come full circle. We don't want our mothers to leave our sight when we are infants and toddlers, then we become teenagers and wish she would just leave us alone for one minute!!! And finally, we are back to appreciating her presence, warmth, understanding and unconditional love. (And we finally realize that she was right about EVERYTHING all along!)
I see lots of exciting trips to Chicago in your future! Enjoy yourself. :)
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